God Starts Here

Once upon a time, there seemed to be a lot of message tees. I was going to jump on that bandwagon and I had some good ideas! I shared them with a few close friends and they were all very impressed. I was encouraged to learn photoshop, and then figured I would need to learn to silkscreen, invest in the equipment, set it up next to my untouched guitars, banjo, and ukulele from my stint as a singer/songwriter, all while working my day job, trying to get my acting career going, fitting in yoga 4 times a week, some downtime (because, geesh, if not I would go insane) and finally some semblance of a social life. No, I know, why didn't I just ask someone to help me? That will be my second blog post.

One of my ideas was "God Starts Here" with an arrow pointing to a human heart. This was after 9/11 when everyone seemed to be claiming their rightful understanding of God, being a Christian, being a Muslim, what it meant to be American, a patriot...Do you remember all that? Oh, good, so I don't have to repeat it here.

Well, the tee shirt hasn't happened...yet (I don't know, are message tees even still a thing?)..but in the meantime, it is perfectly suitable as my blog name.

Today I took a walk in Central Park, enjoying our first real taste of Spring here in the city and realized the last time I walked through the park was New Year's Eve. That was a very different walk...

I chose to sweat out the Christmas season like a fever rather than tag along as an orphan to someone else's Christmas jam. I found myself mostly alone with plenty of time on my hands to take a long, difficult look at my life. 'Tis the season for that, I suppose, but usually it's just a reel in your head while you're smiling, surrounded by people you are growing increasingly annoyed and disappointed with as well as your own self before returning to the status quo.

I got so overwhelmed by what I saw: creative paralysis, relationship paralysis, career paralysis, that I considered checking into a hospital. I KNOW! That is so dramatic! But seriously: I wanted to check out. Something seemed unstoppable and ugly and I was powerless against it and it's unchanging-ness. I wanted to be strapped to a bed with healthcare professionals looking after me, hopefully sedating me til the fever (or Christmas) passed.

I stuck it out though. I took it breath by breath, step by step, like holding utkatasana in a hot yoga class. It was burning, I was cursing and shaking and feeling awkward and vulnerable, but I held on to the truth I know as a yogini: the only way past it is through it. That is where rebirth and change happens...where you transcend, and touch the divine...or at least enjoy a sweet savasana at the end of class.

Now it's Easter/Passover. and on my walk today, I was thinking, what a miracle that you can be reborn. You can reinvent yourself. You can start again and again and again. God starts here. Then here and here and here: This breath. This heartbeat. This step.

My Christmas "holding of utkatasana" turned out to be a huge gift to myself.

This blog may be about what's eating Leigh Ann Cobb (no--not like that) or what Leigh Ann Cobb is eating, or a beauty product I like, a lesson from one of my fantastic yoga teachers or yoga students, or a story or observation.

I hope you enjoy...and let's bring back the message tees.